Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize