Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish you could order shots online.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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