Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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