I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
