I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
