I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
