In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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