After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
