Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
