How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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