just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
