Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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