so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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