Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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