My friends, they love my intelligence
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
