Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
