I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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