My Higher Power is John Stamos
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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