It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
