My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
