She's JV to your varsity
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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