It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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