I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
