The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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