Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
