If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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