he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
