So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize