Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dicks are not precious.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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