MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
