There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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