Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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