i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
