I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize