Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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