youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
