I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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