Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
