how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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