foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
