I looked at my own cervix.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
