Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
