Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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