I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didn't notice because vodka
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize