I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
