I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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