I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just got carded by a ten year old.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
