My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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