Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
