your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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