the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
