Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
