Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
