I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
