also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
