y did u give ur computer a hand job?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
