I want to walk on stilts...naked
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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