My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize