I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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