all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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