Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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