every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize