I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You are a genius and a whore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
