why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
