So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
