Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
