Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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