Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
