I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize