she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
