So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
