she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
