Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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