come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
