my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
