just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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