just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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