I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize