apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
