We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
