someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
